New insights

It has been a few years since I had the chance to read or listen to any of the HP books. In this time however, I have been through a self discovery and personal development journey. I can now relate a lot more to the emotions, feelings and situations that are described for the various characters in the books. I understand depression a lot better now and it has been amazing to rediscover HP and all the characters of the HP universe. The nuances of the emotions. I have a lot more to write about but I don't find the words to put them to good use. More later.

And I thought I could not learn

The irony of it all is that Snape, whether Harry acknowledges it or not, has turned out to be Harry's most important teacher. Even as S is running away with Dr, he still has the time to tell Harry "Blocked again and again and again until you learn to keep your mouth shut and your mind closed, Potter!".

The question now is wether I will learn ? Whom am I disregarding ? The cruel ironaies of life have always forced us to learn from people who hurt our egos the most. I have ranted and raved like kreacher and finally given in - defated. Was that good for me ? Probably. Will I, like Harry, ever realise how and what helped me ? Maybe. Then again, maybe not.

Growing Up compulsions

D is no more.
Harry has now matured. Matured beyond his years.
It was time. It was time for Harry to go out on his own.

How would that life be ? One in which you have no one to rely on ? One in which all the people who love you are killed, one at a time. How would I survive in the world that robbed me of my parents and all my emtional support ? Will I be able to take care of myself ?

Love - a small word that supports all our lives.

The Thought Weave Prototype

The book has been read.

The cold reality of the book always leaves me with the feeling of having been personally shown a mind and life mirror. It prods me. It disturbs me. It leaves me uncomfortable and lost in introspection for days and weeks. Funnily it also leaves me in an imagined world. A world where there is someone who loves me unconditionally, inspite of and because of me.

I relate to Harry in a convoluted way. I live his life. I feel his pain, his joy, his sorrow, his love, his crushes, his first and subsequent kisses. At the same time I am also that outsider. The outsider who cares. The outsider who cries for him. The outsider who wants to take him in my arms and comfort him. The outsider who wants others to care for him and look after him - to embrace and cuddle him. The outsider who wants to kiss him and make him feel better. The outsider who wants to kiss him to make myself feel better - that he is after all loved.

Its a desperate need to love and feel loved. Its the love of a family, the love of a mother, the love of a father, the love of a soulmate, the love of a friend. Funnily enough, I have a wonderful family that loves me and whom I love.

The rational me and the hopeful me jostle. The hopeful me sees beautiful but addictive dreams of loving and caring. The rational me is happy with life. The rational me is happy to be surround by my loved ones and feel that care. The rational me stands by Me and the hopeful me distracts Me. But its just Me that's expressing myself. The hopeful me wants more. The hopeful me wants tender kisses and warm caresses. The rational me is already blessed with a loving and unseen embrace. I feel both guilt and greed. The hopeful me is addictive.