Saturday, July 16, 2005
The Thought Weave Prototype
The book has been read.
The cold reality of the book always leaves me with the feeling of having been personally shown a mind and life mirror. It prods me. It disturbs me. It leaves me uncomfortable and lost in introspection for days and weeks. Funnily it also leaves me in an imagined world. A world where there is someone who loves me unconditionally, inspite of and because of me.
I relate to Harry in a convoluted way. I live his life. I feel his pain, his joy, his sorrow, his love, his crushes, his first and subsequent kisses. At the same time I am also that outsider. The outsider who cares. The outsider who cries for him. The outsider who wants to take him in my arms and comfort him. The outsider who wants others to care for him and look after him - to embrace and cuddle him. The outsider who wants to kiss him and make him feel better. The outsider who wants to kiss him to make myself feel better - that he is after all loved.
Its a desperate need to love and feel loved. Its the love of a family, the love of a mother, the love of a father, the love of a soulmate, the love of a friend. Funnily enough, I have a wonderful family that loves me and whom I love.
The rational me and the hopeful me jostle. The hopeful me sees beautiful but addictive dreams of loving and caring. The rational me is happy with life. The rational me is happy to be surround by my loved ones and feel that care. The rational me stands by Me and the hopeful me distracts Me. But its just Me that's expressing myself. The hopeful me wants more. The hopeful me wants tender kisses and warm caresses. The rational me is already blessed with a loving and unseen embrace. I feel both guilt and greed. The hopeful me is addictive.
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